A Big Step in Self Care

"The best part about life? Every day you have a new opportunity to become a happier version of yourself."  -Unknown


I was born with a congenital heart defect so I haven't always been healthy. I come from a long line of strong women though who persevere through everything life throws at them. These women, while inspiring, were also obese, something I hoped as a child I could avoid in adulthood. All of my childhood I was a super skinny twig of a girl. Once I hit puberty, I started filling out and when I graduated high school, I was a comfortable size 10/12. After marriage, I became the one thing I never wanted to be: obese. I am 5'1" and was 208 lbs and a size 20 at my heaviest. I was miserable. I hated looking in the mirror because I no longer recognized myself. I hated shopping because I knew if I had to buy a larger size, I was going to get upset. I hated even window shopping because I knew I'd see so many cute things that I wanted but couldn't buy because it wasn't in my size. I hated the person I had become. 

One day, I woke up and decided to do something about it. I joined Weight Watchers and in my first several months, I lost 40 lbs! I was finally on the right path. After I hit that 40 lb. mark, my husband and I finally found out that we were expecting our first child...after 7 years of trying to start a family. We were elated but I was so scared to see the weight gain on the scale again. While I did regain all the weight that I lost with the pregnancy, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Shortly after, I hopped right back on Weight Watchers to continue my weight loss journey. I ending up relosing the 40 lbs. I had previously lost plus an additional 20 lbs. I now vary from a size 6 to a size 8.

Flash forward to now: After having 2 more kids, I managed to maintain my weight loss, give or take 10 lbs and keep it off. 11 years of being at a healthy weight is such a feat. But as anyone who has lost a significant amount of weight plus having babies know, with the weight loss comes loose skin. The majority of my loose skin was on my abdomen. While I was happy to have lost the weight, I still struggled with my self image in my abdomen area. When I sat down, the skin flopped on my lap; I had to tuck my skin into my pants; I had to make sure I properly cleaned that area to avoid weird smells in the folds (yes it happens). 

I started following fitness pages on Instagram and got off my butt to go to the gym to "tone up". I was hitting the gym regularly but the reality was, no amount of workouts could fix the loose skin on my abdomen. 

I made the decision to consult with a board certified plastic surgeon to discuss an abdominoplasty (aka tummy tuck) to determine if it was really something I wanted, if it was affordable, and above all, if it would make me happy. 

From the beginning of the consultation. this surgeon understood my desires and goals and gave me the best options for me. I left with a surgery quote in my hand and what seemed like at the time, a very out of reach goal. I went home to discuss it with my husband who, as always, supported my decision no matter what it was. 

As a working wife and mom to 3 kids, I always put everyone's needs and desires above my own and don't usually do much for myself. This led me to spend the next 4 months mulling over if the surgery was right for me.  Finally, I decided this is what I wanted to do; this is what my body needed to be whole again and what my heart and mind needed for complete happiness.  I called the surgeons office to pay my down payment to schedule the date of my surgery: April 12, 2019. 

Surgery came and went and the recovery is in progress. I am now 10 days post-op and while I am still recovering, I feel like this was one of the best decisions I could have made for myself.

Creating Habits

Everyone always looks forward to the New Year, to making resolutions and starting anew.

Sometimes I feel as if we lose value in the resolutions we make because we forget why we made them or we lose hope of ever achieving them. Rather than creating resolutions, think more of changing an aspect of your life to create a habit. Perhaps giving up something entirely or incorporating a large change too quickly isn't a great way to start because we tend to burn out as fast as we begin. Maybe if we start small and build up to create a life changing habit, our goals would be better achieved. Perhaps it's time to create a positive or healthy habit and limit the restrictions we place on ourselves.  

Whatever your goals are the for the New Year, make them life changing. 

"Momma Tried"

"My hope is that they will remember that mommy tried. Even when she was tired, even when she was stressed. I hope they know I did it all for them. That I had every intention of being great, good and grand, but some days all I could be was okay."

Somedays I feel like my mom game is on point, and other days I feel like I fall short...really short. I am constantly second guessing every decision I make where my children are concerned. I think that whether you are a stay-at-home parent or a working parent, we struggle just the same. As a working mom, I worry about the amount of time that my kids spend with a third-party caregiver versus spending quality time with me. I feel like a bad mom when all I can muster for dinner after working all day is hot dogs and mac-n-cheese verus something more wholesome and nutritious. I feel like a disappointment when I tell my kids it's too late for a bedtime story. I feel guilty when my patience wears thin and I raise my voice. The feelings of inadequacy never cease to exist, whether at the forefront or in the back of our minds. 

In a world where mommy shaming is prevalent, when another parent notices our good moments, it is never forgotten in our minds. While at Target with one of my boys, the moment happened that we as parents dread: in true toddler fashion, a temper tantrum ensued, complete with crying and screaming.  I took a deep breath, held my son's face in my hands, and quietly told him to take deep breaths, look in my eyes and try to calm down. In an instant, the temper tantrum was over and all was well. Thereafter a lady approached me and told me that I handled the situation "beautifully" and was "really impressed" by how I had dealt with my son.

Mostly, the way we continue pushing through each day is thanks to our kids. They are the ones that reinforce daily how wonderful we are when we feel like we are far from it. The moments when they wrap their arms around your neck, kiss your cheek and tell you how much they love you and how you're the "best ever," is the best validation a parent can receive. These are the moments we live for. While I am definitely not the perfect parent, in the eyes of my kids, I am "the best mom ever." 

Unplugged

"I think this is how we are supposed to be in the world, present and in awe." -Anne Lamott


On Friday, I informed my kids of the chores that they had to complete on Saturday before they could have screen time. I performed my usual Saturday duties of giving my kids breakfast, cleaning and doing laundry. This was accompanied by an optometry appointment for my 9 year old and a trip to the store. All the while, the kids helped with cleaning with zero complaints, were well-behaved enough to all earn something from the treasure box at the optometrist's office, and didn't constantly want for things at the store.  When we got home, my boys worked on their reading and writing as part of their chores while my 4 year old lay quietly on the couch beside me as I read a book. There was no noise from tablets or TV's; just the stillness of a quiet house along with the gentle hum of the refrigerator and constant ticking of the clock.

It was in this quiet that I longed for more time with the family, being unplugged, relaxed and feeding our minds with something more than video streaming and games. This quiet time allowed us to have very pleasant and meaningful conversation over lunch, incorporating discussion of the things we had spent the morning doing. These little moments of unplugged time brought new perspective and appreciation for the time that we spend together and the time we spend alone bettering ourselves, without the disruption of screentime. It was in this morning that I found the need to take more time to be present, unplugged, all the while marveling at the peace, serenity and knowledge that was gained.

The Power of Kindness

"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things, in which smiles and kindness, and small obligations given habitually, are what preserve the heart and secure comfort." -Humphry Davy

I am a firm believer in smilng at people as they pass or giving a compliment. I have always said that you should always give someone a compliment even if for the smallest thing. Today I went grocery shopping and noticed a women in the produce section with her infant daughter. The women had a very lovely, well-done tattoo on her arm from her shoulder to her elbow. I kept looking at it, admiring the beauty and intricacy. I wanted to compliment her but didn't get close enough to say anything without being creepy. I passed her again in another aisle of the store as I smiled at her and she smiled back, I told her that I noticed her tattoo when we were both in produce and just wanted to tell it it is very beautiful. She thanked me with a large smile and went on her way. I love how even the smallest compliment can make someones day.

What Makes Us Different

"Live the life you always wanted to live. Avoid criticizing others and concentrate on fulfilling your dreams." -Paulo Coelho

Someone said to me recently that they don't want to waste their life having kids and a white picket fence and the stereo typical American dream; that they would rather see the world and have more followers on social media and gain the attention of the world in order to feel successful and loved. Their idea of a wasted life is very much different than mine. I don't consider having a family, a career, a home and unconditional love from beings that I created to be a wasted life. For me, I could say that because they don't have those things, perhaps their life is wasted but I won't say that because they've chosen the life that they have for themselves and if they chose not to have with things that I have, it does not make them better; it does not make them superior; it does not make them more worthy of others time and attention. Their fame and fortune matter as less to me as my family values and my current situation in life do to them. Sure my dream is not to have 1 million followers on social media; my dreams do not involve traveling all over the world alone looking for something; my dreams do not involve continuously waiting for people's approval of me. My dreams are my reality and that reality is having a family with three amazing kids, a husband that I adore, a career that I enjoy, and the happiness of knowing that I made the choices in my life to have these things; that my choices do not mean less than theirs because they feel my choices are nothing short of mediocre. 

Calling my life boring or mediocre simply because that is the life that they chose not to have does not mean my life is less important; that the choices that I've made in my life are inferior to yours and I'm less deserving of other peoples time and attention. They can live their life however they choose and I shall live mine however I choose. Judging and criticizing me for having the life that I have which is so vastly different from the life that they have or want makes no difference to me....because I love my life and I don't have to go searching for anything to make me whole or happy. 

Where there is Inspiration, there is Passion

"The trick is to just follow your small moments of curiosity. It doesn't take a massive effort. Just turn your head an inch. Pause for an instant. Respond to what has caught your attention. Look into it a bit. Is there something there for you? A piece of information? For me, a liftime devoted to creativity is noting but a scavenger hunt - where each successive clue is another tiny little bit of curiosity. Pick each one up, unfold it, see where it leads you next. Small steps. Keep doing that, and I promise you: The curiosity will eventually lead you to the passion." -Elizabeth Gilbert

Some people have blogs for hair and makeup tutorials, fashion inspirations, weight loss/fitness tips or some other mind blowing tips or tutorials. I'm far from creative in those regards; however, my love, my passion comes in the form of writing. My inspiration for my writing comes from the things I encounter in my life, whether that be a life experience or a quote that I come across that moves me.

I keep this little journal full of quotes that I have found that inspire me or resonate with my soul. It is rare that a day goes by that I don't write something down in it. I use it not only for my writing, but for comfort, advice or simply just to gain perspective or peace of mind.

It is said that actions speak louder than words, but sometimes the right words can make all of the difference.